A few weeks ago we started a discussion about The Floundering Leader.  We talked about how to encourage and support the flounder-er and what to do if you are the one floundering.

That discussion got me processing another side of this issue…

What happens when you are trying to lead someone who is floundering in their leadership?

And if everyone flounders from time to time (which I believe they do), as a leader of leaders you are going to find yourself leading a floundering leader at some point.

And here’s my concern… I think sometimes we give up on floundering leaders too soon.  We think they just can’t cut it.  We think the job’s outgrown them.  We point out everything that is wrong and rationalize why they should have handled it differently.

As leaders of leaders, this is where it gets really tricky.  How do you know if someone is really failing or just floundering?  Floundering can look an awful lot like failing for a season.

Before you give up on someone too quickly, let me challenge you to consider a few things:

• What can you own?
• Where could you have provided better direction?
• Have you been too controlling or too hands off?
• Have you, in your busyness, been ignoring the warning signs that this leader was struggling?
• Is there something that you can do to lead them better?
• Do you understand what they need to succeed?
• Are they willing to try?
• Are you engaging the tough conversations and providing them candid, considerate, honest feedback?
• Does this leader feel safe being vulnerable with you about what they are struggling with?

Before you give up, be sure you’ve done your part.  You set the tone and create the culture that allows leaders to thrive or flounder.  Do your best to give them every opportunity to thrive!

Have you ever given up on someone too quickly?

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

Another GREAT “grey” leadership issue is finding the balance between ambition and self-promotion, especially as church leaders.

In our ambition we pursue the dreams that God has laid on our hearts.  I believe that God expects action, intention and drive from us.  He doesn’t want us to be passive and lazy.  He’s chosen us for the greatest calling we could ever have – to make His name known in all the world.

However, when does our ambition cross the line and become self-promotion?

When does chasing our God-given dreams and passion become a chance to make our name known rather than His name known?

Do you know when you’ve become more concerned about others knowing you rather than others knowing Him?

That line gets really fuzzy.  Most times we don’t know we’ve crossed it until well after we have and we have trouble looking back and finding the step that took us over the edge.

Do you ever wrestle with this?

If so, how do you keep yourself in check?  Who holds you accountable?  Who speaks truth into your life?

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, three you find disorder and every evil practice.  James 3:16

** This is a pondering left over from this past Sunday.  Have you ever felt this way?

I wasn’t needed today.

3000 +  attendees

25 staff

Hundreds of volunteers

Baptism at one campus

Communion at the others

And I wasn’t needed.

I wasn’t needed to:

• Solve a problem
• React to a crisis
• Identify something that was missed
• Be worship assistant
• Substitute for a campus pastor

Nope.  Everyone was there playing their part and I wasn’t needed… actually, I wasn’t needed for the obvious or urgent.

I WAS needed though, for what I really ought to be doing most days.  I was needed to:

• Coach/encourage our staff and volunteers
• Praise what went well
• See my team in action and celebrate their unique contribution
• Pray for those attending and ask God to meet them today
• Encourage someone who had a tough week

I was needed today for what doesn’t come easy.

It wasn’t to be in the spotlight.  It wasn’t to be the hero.

It was to let my team play those roles.  It was to celebrate their victories and to see them succeed.

I hope I did my job today.

“The Leader’s voice always speaks the loudest”

“When  decision needs to be made, a leader will eventually emerge.”

I’m not sure if these are direct quotes from anyone, but they are phrases that have stuck with me.

Leaders are seemingly born to take charge.  We do this naturally.  If we feel the slightest bit of lack of direction, we step in to save the day.

But when positional leadership collides with natural leadership, you may find a gap in leadership development throughout the organization.  Natural leaders will always step up and speak up, and when that natural leader is a positional leader, both that leader and the team expect him to always play the part.

As the leader of your organization, how are you letting other leadership voices surface?

In meetings and decision making environments, does your team always wait for you to speak up?

What happens if you don’t?

I’m gonna bet it gets really quiet until you just can’t stand it and you take charge once again.  Right?

This is another big, massive grey leadership issue for us to tackle as leaders.

We’ve got to understand the power of our voice and we have to be willing to muffle it sometimes for the sake of the development of our teams.

So how do you muffle your voice?

1.) Allow awkward moments to exist. Get comfortable with the silence and encourage others to speak up.

2.) Remove yourself. Are there meetings that you need to purposefully NOT be a part of so that another leader has to take the reigns?

3.) Don’t answer questions directly.  Don’t spoon feed instruction.  Ask questions that help your staff make decisions on their own.

As leaders we become so programmed to provide direction, solve problems and take charge that we sometimes forget that our most important responsibility is to develop others around us. There are plenty of times where your natural leadership or positional leadership will require you to be a strong voice, but look for the opportunities to muffle it and let other voices shine!

I remember very vividly the first time I served under a floundering leader.  I was a pompous 20-something that was actively reading everything by John Maxwell that I could get my hands on, so I thought I had leadership all figured out (in spite of the fact that I really wasn’t leading anything.)

My arrogance and attitude of superiority caused me to think things like:

“I could do this so much better than them.”

“Don’t they understand how frustrated everyone is?”

“Why aren’t they doing anything?”

I learned a lot about leadership during that season.  I really did.

Since I’ve now experienced my own seasons of floundering, I have so much more compassion and grace for that leader.

If you’re following a floundering leader, here are a few things I would caution you to consider:

• You have no idea what that leader is facing. You may think you do, but I guarantee that you don’t.  Give them grace.  They need it.
• Pray, watch, observe and journal what you see. Don’t talk to others about it – that just turns into backbiting and gossip.  Study what that leader is doing and how they are doing it and make some notes that you’ll want to read when you find yourself floundering sometime down the road.  (Because if you are leading, you WILL flounder at some point.)
• Engage that leader in conversation. Don’t give them an earful of everything you think they are doing wrong – they probably know everything you’ll tell them.  Tell that leader that you are praying for them.  Ask if there is anything that you can do to help them or support them.

If you’re the flounder-er, here’s my advice to you:

• Don’t deny it. Floundering is one of the seasons and passages of leadership.  Don’t try to convince yourself it’s not happening.
• Humble yourself. Everyone knows and sees that you’re floundering, no matter how hard you’re trying to cover it up.
• Be honest with your team and find ways that they can help you pick up some of the things that are weighing you down.  I bet they would be honored to help you.
• Talk openly with whomever you are accountable to. You need to set some purposeful time to share with them what has you floundering and work together to create a plan to pull you out of this season.  It’s detrimental to everyone, especially yourself, to stay in this space.

Have you ever observed a flounder-er or found yourself floundering?  What did you observe?

One of the greatest monsters that I wrestle with in my leadership is being confident in the calling and gifting God has for me.  I battle the usual suspects of insecurity, fear and playing the comparison game.

Last month at our Cultivate Her event in Nashville, I shared the story of Deborah and the confidence she displayed in her calling.  Deborah is one of my favorite leaders from scripture and I’m continuing to unpack layers of her leadership that fascinate me.

If you need a refresher on the story, hop over to Judges chapters 4 & 5.

Here are some key things I find in this story:

• Deborah is Judge of Israel during a time when Israel is being cruelly oppressed by the Canaanites
• We know she’s married and that she holds court under a palm trim on a hill (sounds like a nice office)
• She gets a command from God for Barak to rally 10,000 men and face the Canaanite army
• Barak refuses to go unless Deborah goes with him
• You never see Deborah waiver; she continually reminds Barak that God promised he would give Sisera, the commander of the Canaanite army, into his hands.
• Chapter 5 is their victory song

I wish the writer of Judges had been a bit more descriptive about the relational and emotional dynamics going on behind the scenes in this story.  The writer tells us what happens and the decisions that Deborah makes, but doesn’t give us a ton of insight into how she felt or what she was processing through each decision.

It’s at this point that I start trying to place myself in the story.  How would I have felt?  What would I have been afraid of?

Here’s what I observe to be the keys to Deborah’s confidence:

1) She had EARNED INFLUENCE.

Deborah was a prophetess and judge of Israel at a time when it was highly unusual for a woman to serve in such positions of leadership.  It makes me think she must have had some significant influence to have been appointed to these positions to begin in.  She also must have displayed consistency of character, love for people, sound judgment, etc in her role as Judge.  Barak and the 10,000 leaders were willing to follow her lead and trusted what she said was God’s command.

2)  She displayed INCREDIBLE STRENGTH

I can’t imagine living in the times that she lived in.  Israel was weak, defenseless and far from God.  I suspect moral was low and hope was barely a flicker.  But Deborah had hope and a vision from God and out of this she summoned the strength to still the voices of doubt and timidity, and as one author describes, “called the people to battle, leading them out of idolatry and restoring their dignity as God’s chosen ones”.

3)  She showed CONSISTENT HUMILITY.

It seems like it would have been easy in her shoes to try to take the credit.  God gave her the command, so she could have easily told Barak, “God told me and you to lead the army”, but she didn’t.  She told Barak that God had called him to lead the army.  At that point, she probably had no idea what her role would be.  She was turning the power and the potential glory over to him.

I also love that in Judges 5:7, Deborah doesn’t refer to herself as judge, prophetess or leader.  She describes herself as “a mother in Israel.”  She didn’t need to prove herself or remind others of her positional power.

4)  She was FAITHFULLY OBEDIENT.

Deborah drew her confidence from her relationship with God.  God gave her the directive for the battle with Sisera and she didn’t lose sight of this even in the heat of it.  Judges 4:14 says “Then Deobrah said to Barak, ‘Up! For this is the day in which the Lord has delivered Sisera into your hand.  Has not the Lord gone out before you?’” After the battle was finished she and Barak sang a victory song in which they repeatedly thank God.

Deborah’s story is such a key reminder to me of God’s faithfulness through our obedience.  I’m sure she didn’t sign up for all that her leadership would demand, but her confidence was in God’s power, not her own.  She was pursuing His glory, not hers and as a result the people she led experienced freedom for 40 years.  That’s remarkable influence!

What challenges do you face in being confident in your calling as a leader?

I remember the first time I attended Catalyst. It was Catalyst’s 2nd year. I’d heard crazy good things about the first year and I was hungry to soak myself in an environment that would feed the leadership development monster that was growing inside of me.

Over the last 10 years, Catalyst has become a staple in my leadership development. I DON’T MISS IT! And you shouldn’t either. If you’ve never attended, this is your year! I promise. You’ll thank me!

Hear from leadership authorities including Andy Stanley, Seth Godin, TD Jakes, Craig Groeschel, Francis Chan, Beth Moore, Perry Noble, and Christine Caine, along with several innovative thinkers and practitioners like best-selling author Daniel Pink, charity: water founder Scott Harrison, Gabe Lyons, First Response Team founder Tad Agoglia, and Rani Hong, winner of the United Nations Human Rights Award.

Plus, Catalyst Labs will feature innovative thought leaders like Michael Hyatt, Pete Wilson, Mark Batterson, Anne Jackson, John Ortberg, Mike Foster, Jud Wilhite, Reggie Joiner, Jamie Tworkowski, Alan Hirsch, Gayle Haggard, Chris Hodges, Jon Acuff, Tim Elmore, Charles Lee, Chris Seay, Chris and Phileena Heuertz, and others.

Best Rates on Catalyst tickets end this Thursday, June 24th, so register now. Call 888.334.6569 to speak to a Catalyst Concierge, or register online at www.catalystconference.com. You can use Rate Code FOB for an additional discount off your ticket price. Catalyst will sell out, so make sure and register early!

Who’s “in”?

I find myself processing a lot what I call the “grey” issues of leadership… the answers and decisions that are not so easy to figure out.  (I think that’s why they call it leadership, right?)

As Cross Point has grown, one of the big grey areas for me is the leadership of letting go.  I have a tendency to be a very hands-on, in-the-details leader – ok, I’ll just come out and say it… I can be a micro-manager.

I don’t mean to be.  Truly.  But I’m horribly wired to see details.  I see the direction we need to go and then I can – in a matter of seconds - rattle off every minute detail that needs to take place to get us from point A to point B.  Frankly, I wish I didn’t think this way.  Ignorance seems like bliss, but I just can’t seem to ignore details.

As Cross Point has grown, it has stretched me tremendously.  If I weren’t learning to let go, you would have probably found me somewhere in a corner curled up in the fetal position a very long time ago.

To be a leader of a growing organization you have to learn the leadership of letting go – the leadership of trust – the leadership of empowerment.

Cross Point Bellevue became a case study in this lesson for me.  There was simply too much going on for me to know all the details.  I had no choice but to trust, and thankfully we have amazing team that helps make that a bit easier.

I had to learn to know the “right” things and then I had to trust our team to handle the rest.

Was everything done exactly as I would have done it?  Probably not

Were there some surprises?  Sure

Did the campus launch extremely well?  A resounding YES

Here are some things that I didn’t know until the campus opened:

• Who our volunteer leaders were for each ministry area
• What color the classrooms were going to be
• What our furniture looked like
• How the office was going to be set up
• How many volunteers were signed up to serve the first day
• If the toilet paper was stocked, if the coffee was brewing, if there were trash cans in the building

These are just a few… and I’m sure there are many more things that I don’t even know that I don’t know.  I also know that I didn’t lead through this without my share of mistakes.  I leaned in too heavily in some areas and was unnecessarily absent in others.

But, what I’m discovering is that every leadership journey and experience will be different and I have to choose to listen and find a way to grow in the middle of it… and discern what to let go of.

How about you?  What have you learned to let go of in your leadership growth?

Luke 10:38-42

³⁸As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴²but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I was born a Martha.

The reliable, get-it-done, keep-things-moving, aware-of-all-the-details, task-oriented person.

And so I’m naturally a Martha leader.  Martha leaders tend to be second-chair leaders.  They usually complement the highly relationally, people-loving, first-chair Marys of the world.

Both leaders are essential and necessary, but I believe that great leaders know when to be a Mary and when to be a Martha.

As a very natural Martha, learning to be a Mary does not come easily to me.  And while it’s true that I will probably always think “Martha” first, I think it would be irresponsible for me as a leader to not attempt to learn to be a Mary in the right situations and circumstances.

This tension has become very real to me since I launched Cultivate Her – a leadership environment for women.  In this organization, I’m the first-chair leader.  I’m responsible for the leadership and direction, the vision and the communication.  I’m the face and the voice of this organization and with that comes an expectation for me to be a Mary. 

I need to lead relationally. I need to engage with people who are attending.  I need to be fully present in conversations and not wondering if the food is out and whether the pens are at the tables.  I need to sit at Jesus’ feet rather than hustle about with all the preparations.

The tug of my natural Martha tendencies causes me great turmoil: 

Aren’t I supposed to be attending to the details?  That’s what I normally do.  Will my team really see everything that needs to be done?  Surely they’ll miss something if I don’t check in.  Don’t these people see that there is so much to do?  I don’t have time for chit chat.

And even more troubling for me is my fear that the Marthas on my team are irritated that I’m “just talking” and not helping with the stuff that needs to get done. In the passage from Luke you get the impression that Martha just assumed that Mary was totally preoccupied and not paying attention, but I wonder if Mary really wrestled with her decision to be relational?  Did she feel like she was letting Martha down by not helping her?

I’m learning that each role is equally important.  Marys aren’t “just talking”.  They are helping others feel valued.  They are speaking words of encouragement and hope.  They are helping people feel connected and loved.  I wonder how many times I’m shirked my responsibilities as a Mary because I felt convicted that I wasn’t doing the Martha duties? How many people felt my lack of engagement and interest?  In those cases, I didn’t play either role well.

As a leader, I think you have to fully understand when you need to be a Mary and when you need to be a Martha and you need to educate your teams as to which role you need to play… and when.  If they understand the purpose of why you’re fulfilling that role, they are much more likely to complement and support you.

Mary and Martha both had an important part in the story.  If Martha had never opened her home, Mary may have never been able to sit at Jesus feet.

Some days you’ll be a Mary.  Other days you’ll be a Martha.  We need to learn to appreciate both roles and the unique opportunities they bring.

Who are you more naturally like, Mary or Martha?

Leaders emerge in the heat of the moment.

That statement may not sound overly profound, but I’ve never found it to be more true than this week.

My boss began making critical decisions from the moment we realized the worst was inevitable.  That’s leadership.

Three Cross Point guys found a way through waste deep rushing water to rescue a widow who was neck deep in water in her home.  They literally carried her several blocks through that water to safety.  That’s leadership.

My husband and the rest of MNPD SWAT team worked a straight 36 hours and then have been working 12 hour shifts indefinitely to protect our city.  That’s leadership.

The Cross Point staff have given up their weekend to lead volunteer teams in disaster relief.  That’s leadership.

Hundreds of volunteers have gone into neighborhoods and helped families who were paralyzed by shock begin to make sense of what they need to do.  That’s leadership.

People all over our city have rallied to find ways to raise funds for disaster relief.  That’s leadership.

This may be one of the longest, scariest, most stressful weeks of my life… and yet I’ve been so inspired by the leaders who have stepped up to pull our city through this.

I’m so proud of the people of our community!  I love you Nashville!