Leadership is lonely.

We know that.  We’ve been told that a zillion different ways from a million different leaders.

But, have you ever had one of those days that is beyond just lonely?  One of those days where it feels so dark, like the world is closing in and you want to just walk away?

I call those the dark days of leadership.  The days when the shades of grey are so thick you can’t see hope for the future at all.  The days where you question everything.  The days when your confidence and commitment seem nearly gone.

Lonely days are one thing, but dark days are lethal.

Darkness is suffocating and debilitating and if you allow yourself to live there too long it will destroy your leadership.

I’ve had my share of dark days.  And what I’ve found is that there is a direct correlation between my dark days and my communion with God.  More specifically my lack of communion with God.

My dark days come when…

• I’ve been working from my own strength
• I’ve eliminated solitude and sabbath
• I’ve failed to head the warnings of loved ones and friends
• I’ve neglected quality, consistent time with God

My dark days are a result of my vain efforts to be Wonder Woman.

Are you going to continue this craziness?  For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. Galatians 3:3 The Message

The dark days are the hardest days to stop and get perspective.  I find myself toiling more over the things I’m stressing about and yet frantically getting nowhere.   I love that the Galatians passage calls this “crazy”.  Yep, that’s what it feels like – CRAZY!

Stay with God!  Take heart.  Don’t quit. Psalm 27:14 The Message

How about you?

Do you wrestle with dark days?  How do you stop the craziness?

Have you ever counted the number of times you look in the mirror?

I decided to do an experiment and count for one day how many glances in the mirror I take, but… I lost count.  Yeah, it was that many times!

What I did discover is that because appearance matters to me (much more than it should), I have built in opportunities to check my reflection.  There is a mirror in all my bathrooms, a full length mirror in my bedroom, a compact mirror in my purse and most public restrooms have plenty of mirrors for me to use.

We know this to be true, when something is important to us we find ways to build it into our lives.  We build habits and create dependencies.

One of the things that I’m learning most about my leadership these days is the importance of building in time for self-reflection – to look at my soul in the mirror.

According to Bill George’s book “True North” one of the top 5 issues that can pull you from your True North as a leader is lack of self-awareness, or self-reflection.

Bill George says:

“Many leaders, especially those early in their careers, are trying so hard to establish themselves in this world that they leave little time for self-exploration.”

Charles Ringma said it this way:

“Because the desire to influence others is always fraught with the danger of illusion and the power to control, self-reflection is required to unmask our own pretensions, to purify our motivations, and to spur us forward in true humility.”

These truths are hitting me smack between the eyes right now.  Self-reflection can’t happen just occasionally.  To look in the mirror of my soul on a consistent basis, I have to create the structure for it in my life.  I have to have build in opportunities to look into the mirror on a regular, consistent basis.  I have to create self-reflection mirrors wherever I can.

My self-reflection mirrors include:

• Purposefully asking those closest to me for candid, constructive feedback at least once a week.
• Scheduling time twice a week to read and reflect on a personal or spiritual growth area for me
• To regularly journal my thoughts, feeling and emotions
• To pray daily for greater awareness of my inadequacies and insecurities

Have you built the self-reflection mirror into your life?

What habits have you created that help you do this well?

I’m so excited to announce our January event for Cultivate Her!

Friday, January 29th

7:00 – 8:30 AM

Cross Point Church in Nashville

We’ll be kicking off 2010 with the topic “Dream Anatomy - creating a life plan that cultivates your dreams.”

Too often our dreams never see the light of day.

Life overwhelms us.  Responsibilities wear us down.  Criticism discourages us.

How can we live the life of our dreams?

I hope you’ll make plans to join us!

Please RSVP through Evite by clicking HERE

ALSO!

Go check out our new Cultivate Her blog.  Each week the team will be posting leadership thoughts and insights.

We’d love for you to join the discussion!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving I’ve been reflecting a lot on what it means to be a generous leader.

I admire leaders who seem to give themselves away repeatedly in spite of very busy lives.  I marvel at how they do it all.  As much as it frustrates me, I’m a default to ‘task‘ type of person.  I wish I was wired for ‘people’ first.  I really do, but I’m naturally wired to focus on getting things done.

As much as this is the reality of how I’m wired, I refuse to allow it to be an excuse. I believe that I still have a responsibility to be aware of this tendency and then to work towards balancing my life towards investing in others more strategically.

Last week at Cultivate Her, being a generous leader was our topic for the day.  We invited a panel of generous leaders to speak to us sharing their thoughts on how they have invested in others this way.  Here are some of my favorite comments from the time they shared with us:

Margaret Becker

• avoid a scarcity mentality; we are descendants of Christ the King (royalty) and once we grasp this we realize there is plenty to go around; give abundantly without fear of not having enough
• to be effective you have to be fluid; be a conduit rather than a dispenser
• leadership requires humility – to be broken in public
• always choose people over the system

Randy Elrod

• know yourself
• every time we mentor we deplete our emotional gauge; we have to be aware of where that emotional gauge is and find ways to refill it
• the hardest thing you’ll have to do is say “no”

I wish that I had captured more of their thoughts.  I couldn’t write fast enough!

Are you ‘task’ first or ‘people’ first?

How are you leading generously?

Who has generously invested in you?