Control.

Direct.

Manipulate.

Maneuver.

Arrange.

Plan.

Organize.

We do these things all the time.

We’re always trying to create the outcomes that we want in life.

But inevitably, with nearly everything in life, there comes a point when you can no longer plan, control or manipulate the result.

There is always something beyond your control.

That’s when you get to the letting go.

How do you handle that moment?

Do you become…

Anxious?

Fearful?

Peaceful?

Angry?

Frustrated?

Numb?

Detached?

Can you surrender the uncontrollable to God?

What do you do when you get to the letting go?

I find myself processing a lot what I call the “grey” issues of leadership… the answers and decisions that are not so easy to figure out.  (I think that’s why they call it leadership, right?)

As Cross Point has grown, one of the big grey areas for me is the leadership of letting go.  I have a tendency to be a very hands-on, in-the-details leader – ok, I’ll just come out and say it… I can be a micro-manager.

I don’t mean to be.  Truly.  But I’m horribly wired to see details.  I see the direction we need to go and then I can – in a matter of seconds - rattle off every minute detail that needs to take place to get us from point A to point B.  Frankly, I wish I didn’t think this way.  Ignorance seems like bliss, but I just can’t seem to ignore details.

As Cross Point has grown, it has stretched me tremendously.  If I weren’t learning to let go, you would have probably found me somewhere in a corner curled up in the fetal position a very long time ago.

To be a leader of a growing organization you have to learn the leadership of letting go – the leadership of trust – the leadership of empowerment.

Cross Point Bellevue became a case study in this lesson for me.  There was simply too much going on for me to know all the details.  I had no choice but to trust, and thankfully we have amazing team that helps make that a bit easier.

I had to learn to know the “right” things and then I had to trust our team to handle the rest.

Was everything done exactly as I would have done it?  Probably not

Were there some surprises?  Sure

Did the campus launch extremely well?  A resounding YES

Here are some things that I didn’t know until the campus opened:

• Who our volunteer leaders were for each ministry area
• What color the classrooms were going to be
• What our furniture looked like
• How the office was going to be set up
• How many volunteers were signed up to serve the first day
• If the toilet paper was stocked, if the coffee was brewing, if there were trash cans in the building

These are just a few… and I’m sure there are many more things that I don’t even know that I don’t know.  I also know that I didn’t lead through this without my share of mistakes.  I leaned in too heavily in some areas and was unnecessarily absent in others.

But, what I’m discovering is that every leadership journey and experience will be different and I have to choose to listen and find a way to grow in the middle of it… and discern what to let go of.

How about you?  What have you learned to let go of in your leadership growth?

In less than 12 hours I fly out of the country on a ten day trip.  And rather than being excited about getting away with my husband for a much needed vacation, I’m freakishly trying to make sure I’ve crossed all my t’s and dotted all my i’s.  I’m sure the staff are about fed up with all the last minute emails they are getting from me.

This is one of the greatest challenges to my leadership… letting go.

Maybe it’s just control, but I think it runs even deeper than that for me.  “Responsibility” is one of my top strengths according to Strengths Finder and let me affirm that the feeling of responsibility for EVERYTHING quickly becomes a burden to my leadership.

My obsession with feeling responsible leads me to:

• freak out over details
• concern that I’ve not communicated
• fear of not providing clarity
• anxiety that something will come up that I didn’t plan for.

CRAZY!  Yes, and I’m pretty sure I make everyone crazy around me.

So here’s what I’ll be practicing this week: the leadership of letting go…

What do you need to let go of this week?

It’s no secret.  I like to be in control.  I like to be in charge.  And as a leader I’m naturally wired for this.  The danger for me is what I consider another “grey” leadership issue.

As a leader (who is prone to control), one of the most grey issues for me is knowing when I am controlling rather than guiding with clear direction.  As the leader I am responsible for casting the vision and helping the staff stay in alignment with it.  This means that I have to give clear guidance in decision making so that the organization stays in line with vision.  The challenge is that oftentimes rather than giving guidance I tend to control or dictate.  I know the danger of misalignment and that we are always one decision away from starting to veer from it, so I want to control tightly instead of empowering other leaders in the organization to make decisions.

Controlling is the default.  It’s a fear-based reaction.

As leaders I think we have to recognize this tension in ourselves and consciously choose guiding vs. controlling.

By guiding you help your team learn HOW to make decisions that are consistent with vision.  By controlling you never give them this option.  They simply become your mouthpiece (and they become bitter, frustrated & unmotivated because of it).

Agree?  Disagree?  Please tell me I’m not alone on this one.

“My spiritual development won’t result from driven behavior.  It will only come from careful listening, quiet surrender, and active and purposeful engagement.”

From Dare to Journey with Henri  Nouwen by Charles Ringma

If you know me well, you know the first statement of that quote rattles me.

Driven behavior – I’m pretty sure my name is next to that phrase if you Google it.

Everything about spiritual development as defined by this statement is a challenge for me.

Careful listening – I wish I was better…

Quiet surrender – Surrender is kind of the opposite of control, right?  Yeah, that’s a problem too.

Active and purposeful engagement – Well, there’s a little more hope for me with this one.

Sometimes spiritual development is such a mystery to me.  It’s so difficult to measure.  It’s slow.  It’s ongoing.  It’s always changing.  There is no formula.  No ten step process to follow.  It’s organic.  It’s different for every one of us.

It’s active and purposeful engagement with your Savior and Creator.

What’s the greatest challenge to your spiritual development?  Is there a part of your personality that always gets in the way?