Remember the good ole days of adolescents when if you felt like you just couldn’t face the world you declared a “sick day”?  Maybe it was the test you failed to prepare for or the ex you just couldn’t bear to face… whatever the issue you, suckered your parents into believing your weren’t well and sufficiently enjoyed a day of relaxation and reprieve from the ordinary.

Ok yeah, you know me well enough to know that there is no way my neurotic achievement issues would have allowed me to avoid responsibility like that!  But man, I wish I had taken advantage of that opportunity back then.

Leaders don’t get to take a “sick day”.

You can’t just call it quits when you’re facing things you don’t like.  You can’t choose to not lead just because you don’t feel like it.

So how do you deal with the days when you want to go hide in a corner rather than answer another question? 

How do you keep from throwing a tantrum when someone expects you to solve another problem?

While you can’t just call it quits for an entire day, I do think you can take a time out.

When you feel yourself pushed to the edge and unable to handle the daily pressures of leadership, it’s ok to revisit your schedule and create a time out.

• Perhaps you need to squeeze in a little more time for prayer and reflection
• Maybe you need to carve out 30 minutes to read or go for a good walk
• Maybe you can post-pone a meeting that isn’t urgent or you’re not completely ready for

The biggest difference between sick days and time outs is that sick days are a “throw in the towel mindset”.  You’re giving up and behaving as if you’re defeated.  Time outs are a healthy recognition that you’re running on fumes and need a strategic break.  Time outs are a way of reclaiming control and being responsible for your part.

Do you need a time out today?  If so, create it.   Don’t succumb to the sick day!

I’ve developed a new fascination…

Rare books, preferably first editions of some of my favorites like Anne of Green Gables.

(Btw, I can’t actually afford these books… I just like to search for them and imagine a library in my home full of them.)

Reading didn’t come easily for me as a child.  My memories of 1st grade reading class are painful, but I was so hungry to learn that I worked and worked until I finally figured out how it all fit together.  Once I tackled it, I wouldn’t put a book down.  (I still get in trouble from time to time for having my nose in a book rather than my heart in a conversation.)

I think part of my stubbornness to learn to read was rooted in my independent nature.  I didn’t want anyone else to tell me what I needed to learn.  I wanted to read it and learn it for myself.

While that attitude has served me well in some ways, it’s also hindered me in others.

You see, we need to learn from others.

One of the most valuable things I’m learning in this season of life is to constantly surround myself with people who are smarter than I am.  And yes, that’s a little scary at times.  The willingness to acknowledge that you don’t know it all or can’t figure it all out on your own is a big sucker punch to your pride.  Pride challenges you to cover up your ignorance.  It teaches you to bluff your way through things you know nothing about.

But when you give into pride, you allow yourself to live in ignorance.  Pride holds you back and inhibits you from vulnerably acknowledging you don’t know something.

Surround yourself with people smarter than you.

When you are facing a project or challenge that is new or unknown, find others who are more experienced to coach you through it.

Don’t be afraid of acknowledging that you don’t know.  In doing so, you actually prove that you know more than you think.

There are a lot of special people in my life.  People who I want to champion, encourage, coach, mentor and just all around support.

But every once in awhile I realize I am not enough.  I can’t be all of the things they need all of the time.  There will be moments that they need someone and I can’t be there or don’t even know how to be there.  There will be some things that I just can’t be for them.

I’m not talking about being their savior.  I know I’m not that.  I’m talking about the times where someone else told them exactly what they needed to hear… or someone else listened well and didn’t judge… someone else could understand their hurt, frustration or celebration better than I could.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t have a voice or a place in their life.  It just means that I need to understand my role and play that well in the lives of the people around me.  I won’t be able to be there for everything.  I won’t always be the right person for every moment or situation.

But more importantly, I need to recognize what role I do play and I need to be there to play that role.  I can’t miss my moments.

And you can’t miss yours…

There are people in your life who need you. 

They need you for the role that only you can play in their life.  They need you to be sensitive and aware of the voice you have and not push yourself into places that you need to let others be.  They need you to be confident.  They need you to be assuring.  They need you to bring the wisdom that only you can bring from your unique experience.  You are in the lives of others for a reason.

Who has God uniquely given you influence with?  Who needs your unique perspective and voice in their life?

You will never be enough for every moment of their life but you are exactly enough when you play the role  you are positioned to play.

C O N T E N T M E N T

Here I go again… choosing a word (my One Word) that I don’t even remotely resemble on a day-to-day basis.

I’m a little bit of an anxious soul.  It’s probably the single biggest conversation my husband and I repeatedly have. I hear the words “Jen relax” pretty frequently and with good reason.

“For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.”  Philippians 4:11

That scripture makes me laugh out loud!  Really Paul? 

Paul’s life was far more difficult than mine and yet contentment eludes me most days.

I choose “contentment” because it’s the opposite of the emotion I tend to most feel – anxiety.

In the midst of yet the busiest season of my life I don’t want to miss the blessings and unique opportunities God is giving me.  I don’t want to turn good things into just another task on the ever-growing “to do” list.  I want to find contentment in the madness and enjoy every part of this crazy journey because I have no idea how long it will last.

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”  Psalm 139:23

“What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun?”  Ecclesiastes 2:22

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6

Ok, 2012.  Here we go!

Happy New Year!

It’s time for a fresh start…

new beginnings…

new goals…

renewed dreams…

Here are a few things I do every year to get off to a great start:

1) Set aside some time for reflection.  I love this list from Michael Hyatt.

2) Make a list of books you want to read.  Brad Lomenick has a great list of leadership books here.

3) Choose your One Word.  Instead of resolutions that never last beyond January, join us in choosing one word to live by this year.

4) Refresh your blog reader.  Find some new blogs to read and purge the ones you no longer read.  Here’s a great list to get you started.

5) Follow 25 new people on Twitter.  Choose 5 of your favorite leaders to follow and follow five people they are following.

What do you do to help you plan for the new year?

Nashville has this amazing park inside the city called Percy Warner Park.  It’s big and beautiful… I’ve been told it’s the second largest city park next to Central Park in New York.  Much like Central Park, Percy Warner has miles and miles of trails and roads that are perfect for running.  Perfect, that is, except for the hills!  To the naked eye these are beautiful, lush, rolling hills.  But these aren’t just pretty little hills.  They are MONSTER hills!

When I was training for my first 1/2 marathon my training schedule included some nice long runs in none other than Percy Warner.  I was terrified of those hills so I asked one of my co-workers, who was a pretty impressive distance runner, for some advice.  He summed it up in a few short words… “Keep your head down and attack!”.

His advice was dead on and frankly it’s the only thing that keeps me running hills today.

By keeping my head down, I stay focused.  I breath deeply and consistently.  I become less anxious about what’s ahead.

When I am looking up at that big daunting hill, I become overwhelmed by the fear that I just can’t make it.  It’s never gonna end.  I have to give up.

And choosing to attack it gives me a mental kick-in-the-pants to stay with it.  Do not give up.  I can do this!

I’ve recently been facing a decision that feels like a monster hill.  In fact, I’ve been doing everything I can to go around this hill rather than attack it.

I’ve been stalled out at the bottom of it and it’s been looking more and more insurmountable.  I’ve allowed fear to hold me back.  I’ve been looking up and around so much that I’ve lost focus.

As I was on my morning run today tackling another hill I heard my friend’s voice reminding me “keep your head down and attack”, and while that wasn’t a new idea for the physical hill I was attacking, it was a reminder that it’s time for me to “keep my head down an attack” this other hill in my life.

Do you have a monster hill your facing?  Maybe it’s a tough decision… maybe it’s taking a big risk… maybe it’s starting something you’ve always dreamed of doing but have been too afraid to start.

Perhaps it’s time to stop looking at that hill and begin attacking it.

Keep your head down – block out the noise, distraction and other voices.  If you’re confident this is the direction God has called you to, it’s time to focus.

Attack! – put one step in front of the other and keep moving.  You’ll be on the other side before you know it.

Can introverts really be great leaders?

I ask, because I like to believe I’m both but sometimes I think my introvert gets in the way of me being a great leader.

Sometimes I have no relational energy left for others.  I become short.  I get distant.  I have no desire to be needed or to be responsible for providing direction.  I simply want to be left alone.  I long to get lost in a few hours or a few days of just me, my thoughts and God.

That doesn’t sound like a good leader does it?

Leaders should love to be with people.  That’s what they do.  Right?

As my leadership responsibilities have increased I’ve found the tension growing between my introvert and my leadership instincts.  More leadership influence has required more time out front, with people, providing coaching and direction.  But it’s also resulted in less quiet time, alone time, think time.  This tension has made me more aware of my need to be tuned in to what rejuvenates me.  I recognize my limitations as a leader.  I wrestle with my selfish desires to get away and my God-given responsibilities to lead.

Leadership is marked by sacrifice.  Others must become more important than my selfish desires or my comfort.

I’m comfortable in quiet.  It brings me peace and rest.

The grey issue for my introvert leader is making sense of when my longing to escape is just a selfish desire or a real issue of self care.

What’s your greatest leadership tension?

If  you’re an introvert leader, how do you balance your need for quiet with the demands of leadership?

My friend and fellow Cross Pointer, Rory Vaden, is gearing up to release his new book Take the Stairs.

I’m a huge fan of the thoughts and principles Rory shares on the power of self-discipline.  The book doesn’t release for a couple of more months (you’ll hear more from me then), but I’m excited that Rory is doing a seminar here in Nashville on the topic!

After spending the last 10 years studying some of the most successful people in the world I’ve noticed that all of them have only one thing in common: extraordinary self-discipline.

Contrary to popular belief, successful people aren’t necessarily better educated, more talented or better connected. Neither are they simply more motivated or just harder workers. Rather, successful people have realized that getting what they want in life means that they first have to do the things that they don’t want to do related to their goals. And the truth is successful people don’t like self-discipline any more than you or I; instead they have learned how to change their decision making process which makes discipline easier to endure.

What if self-discipline could be easier? What could you accomplish in your life if you just had more self-discipline?

Rory Vaden

If you live in or around Nashville, I would love for you to join us for the Take the Stairs: Live Event.

Thursday, October 20th

5:30-8:30PM

And guess what?  Rory has graciously extended a complimentary pass to my blog readers!  Click here and enter the code VIP11.

Hope to see you there!

Integrity owns it.

Without excuses.

Without justification.

A person of integrity owns there mistakes and the consequences.

And every time they own it, they earn a little more of it.

I was talking to a friend the other day about a project that I was leading and how I was questioning whether I needed to continue with it or not.  I explained to her that I just wasn’t very passionate about it and maybe this just isn’t something I’m supposed to be doing (aka “God’s will”).

The reality is that this particular project isn’t meeting my expectations.  I’m a bit defeated and don’t feel like it’s as successful as it ought to be.  In essence I’m pridefully dismissing it because it doesn’t feel worth my time.

It’s got me wondering whether passion is always an indicator of God’s will?  I’m pretty sure that there are plenty of things that God has called people to that they weren’t necessarily passionate about.  I’m sure they felt defeated and unsuccessful too.  Insert nearly any Biblical character you can think of as a prime example.

Why do we do this then?

Why do we equate passion or lack of it with God’s will or plan for our lives?

Why do we so easily throw in the towel when we lose passion?

Why are we quick to walk away from a job or project when we find ourselves a little defeated?

I see this a lot in ministry work (I’m guilty of it myself)… wondering if I’m doing the right thing on those days when everything seems to be going wrong?

God’s will doesn’t mean endless passion or constant success.  God’s will is living God’s plan.  And His plan isn’t always warm and fuzzy or fun.  Sometimes living God’s will is hard work.  Sometimes living God’s will means pushing through when you don’t have an ounce of passion but others are counting on you.

Kick your pride to the curb and embrace what He’s given you to do… whether you’re feeling passionate about it right this moment or not!