One of the greatest monsters that I wrestle with in my leadership is being confident in the calling and gifting God has for me.  I battle the usual suspects of insecurity, fear and playing the comparison game.

Last month at our Cultivate Her event in Nashville, I shared the story of Deborah and the confidence she displayed in her calling.  Deborah is one of my favorite leaders from scripture and I’m continuing to unpack layers of her leadership that fascinate me.

If you need a refresher on the story, hop over to Judges chapters 4 & 5.

Here are some key things I find in this story:

• Deborah is Judge of Israel during a time when Israel is being cruelly oppressed by the Canaanites
• We know she’s married and that she holds court under a palm trim on a hill (sounds like a nice office)
• She gets a command from God for Barak to rally 10,000 men and face the Canaanite army
• Barak refuses to go unless Deborah goes with him
• You never see Deborah waiver; she continually reminds Barak that God promised he would give Sisera, the commander of the Canaanite army, into his hands.
• Chapter 5 is their victory song

I wish the writer of Judges had been a bit more descriptive about the relational and emotional dynamics going on behind the scenes in this story.  The writer tells us what happens and the decisions that Deborah makes, but doesn’t give us a ton of insight into how she felt or what she was processing through each decision.

It’s at this point that I start trying to place myself in the story.  How would I have felt?  What would I have been afraid of?

Here’s what I observe to be the keys to Deborah’s confidence:

1) She had EARNED INFLUENCE.

Deborah was a prophetess and judge of Israel at a time when it was highly unusual for a woman to serve in such positions of leadership.  It makes me think she must have had some significant influence to have been appointed to these positions to begin in.  She also must have displayed consistency of character, love for people, sound judgment, etc in her role as Judge.  Barak and the 10,000 leaders were willing to follow her lead and trusted what she said was God’s command.

2)  She displayed INCREDIBLE STRENGTH

I can’t imagine living in the times that she lived in.  Israel was weak, defenseless and far from God.  I suspect moral was low and hope was barely a flicker.  But Deborah had hope and a vision from God and out of this she summoned the strength to still the voices of doubt and timidity, and as one author describes, “called the people to battle, leading them out of idolatry and restoring their dignity as God’s chosen ones”.

3)  She showed CONSISTENT HUMILITY.

It seems like it would have been easy in her shoes to try to take the credit.  God gave her the command, so she could have easily told Barak, “God told me and you to lead the army”, but she didn’t.  She told Barak that God had called him to lead the army.  At that point, she probably had no idea what her role would be.  She was turning the power and the potential glory over to him.

I also love that in Judges 5:7, Deborah doesn’t refer to herself as judge, prophetess or leader.  She describes herself as “a mother in Israel.”  She didn’t need to prove herself or remind others of her positional power.

4)  She was FAITHFULLY OBEDIENT.

Deborah drew her confidence from her relationship with God.  God gave her the directive for the battle with Sisera and she didn’t lose sight of this even in the heat of it.  Judges 4:14 says “Then Deobrah said to Barak, ‘Up! For this is the day in which the Lord has delivered Sisera into your hand.  Has not the Lord gone out before you?’” After the battle was finished she and Barak sang a victory song in which they repeatedly thank God.

Deborah’s story is such a key reminder to me of God’s faithfulness through our obedience.  I’m sure she didn’t sign up for all that her leadership would demand, but her confidence was in God’s power, not her own.  She was pursuing His glory, not hers and as a result the people she led experienced freedom for 40 years.  That’s remarkable influence!

What challenges do you face in being confident in your calling as a leader?

We just announced our special guest speaker for our July Cultivate Her event here in Nashville!

Hop on over to the Cultivate Her blog to get the scoop!

I tend to keep a stupid pace.

I commit myself to too many additional projects.  I try to squeeze in just one more call, email or blog post.

You know what I mean.  Most of you do this too.

Every once and awhile, I find myself dreading even the things that I would otherwise enjoy.  You know that “why in the world did I commit myself to this?” question that runs through your mind as you’re frantically trying to prepare?

But there are two unique events that I’m privileged to be a part of that no matter how frazzled or unprepared I feel going into them, I always leave completely energized with that euphoria that I’m doing exactly what I was made to do.

As a leader in ministry, I find myself in a lot of environments where I get to talk leadership, but lately the opportunity to speak into the lives of other women in leadership has become a passion that I just can’t shake.

My friend Lori Wilhite started an amazing community for pastors wives and women in ministry.  I’ve had the privilege of hosting the leadership virtual roundtable discussion a couple of times now and I absolutely love it!  Sitting in front of a computer screen chatting about leadership with 8-10 other women leaders is a true gift.

Our next Leadership Virtual Roundtable is June 10th.  If you are interested in joining us, you can sign up HERE.

Cultivate Her is quite possibly the scariest adventure I’ve ever embarked on.  Birthed from my dream to create a place to inspire, encourage and empower women in leadership, Cultivate Her has already been a wild ride.  And when I say wild, I mean pee-your-pants scary, exciting and overwhelming all at the same time.

Currently we host monthly breakfasts in Nashville, but are working on plans for on-line broadcast, regional events and more.

If you live in Nashville, be sure to join us for our next event June 23rd.  More details HERE.

As much as involvement in these events stretches me, I’m amazed at how full I feel and how confident I am in where God is leading me.

What fills you up?  What drains you and yet completes you at the same time?

Luke 10:38-42

³⁸As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴²but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I was born a Martha.

The reliable, get-it-done, keep-things-moving, aware-of-all-the-details, task-oriented person.

And so I’m naturally a Martha leader.  Martha leaders tend to be second-chair leaders.  They usually complement the highly relationally, people-loving, first-chair Marys of the world.

Both leaders are essential and necessary, but I believe that great leaders know when to be a Mary and when to be a Martha.

As a very natural Martha, learning to be a Mary does not come easily to me.  And while it’s true that I will probably always think “Martha” first, I think it would be irresponsible for me as a leader to not attempt to learn to be a Mary in the right situations and circumstances.

This tension has become very real to me since I launched Cultivate Her – a leadership environment for women.  In this organization, I’m the first-chair leader.  I’m responsible for the leadership and direction, the vision and the communication.  I’m the face and the voice of this organization and with that comes an expectation for me to be a Mary. 

I need to lead relationally. I need to engage with people who are attending.  I need to be fully present in conversations and not wondering if the food is out and whether the pens are at the tables.  I need to sit at Jesus’ feet rather than hustle about with all the preparations.

The tug of my natural Martha tendencies causes me great turmoil: 

Aren’t I supposed to be attending to the details?  That’s what I normally do.  Will my team really see everything that needs to be done?  Surely they’ll miss something if I don’t check in.  Don’t these people see that there is so much to do?  I don’t have time for chit chat.

And even more troubling for me is my fear that the Marthas on my team are irritated that I’m “just talking” and not helping with the stuff that needs to get done. In the passage from Luke you get the impression that Martha just assumed that Mary was totally preoccupied and not paying attention, but I wonder if Mary really wrestled with her decision to be relational?  Did she feel like she was letting Martha down by not helping her?

I’m learning that each role is equally important.  Marys aren’t “just talking”.  They are helping others feel valued.  They are speaking words of encouragement and hope.  They are helping people feel connected and loved.  I wonder how many times I’m shirked my responsibilities as a Mary because I felt convicted that I wasn’t doing the Martha duties? How many people felt my lack of engagement and interest?  In those cases, I didn’t play either role well.

As a leader, I think you have to fully understand when you need to be a Mary and when you need to be a Martha and you need to educate your teams as to which role you need to play… and when.  If they understand the purpose of why you’re fulfilling that role, they are much more likely to complement and support you.

Mary and Martha both had an important part in the story.  If Martha had never opened her home, Mary may have never been able to sit at Jesus feet.

Some days you’ll be a Mary.  Other days you’ll be a Martha.  We need to learn to appreciate both roles and the unique opportunities they bring.

Who are you more naturally like, Mary or Martha?

I’m posting today over at the Gifted for Leadership blog.  This site is a great resource for women leaders and I’m so honored to be a contributor.

Add this one to your list of resources!  And be sure to hop over and join the discussion!

I didn’t get into ministry to fight this battle.

I’m not one to stir things up and I really don’t enjoy invoking criticism or argument.

But…

After 5 years of ministry, the fact that I’m a woman in a high level church leadership position occasionally raises some eyebrows.  I’ll be honest.  I took my job at Cross Point with limited knowledge regarding what the scriptures have to say about women leaders.  I was just doing what God had naturally gifted me to do and that was never challenged until I applied those gifts in the church.

I encounter people every day with varying interpretations on what they believe the scripture to say in regard to women leaders, pastors, teachers, etc.  It’s funny because it felt so foreign to me that gender would matter in any of these areas.  It really caught me off guard as I began to get questioned about it.

So for the last couple of years I’ve been researching and studying what the Bible has to say on these issues.  I understand why there is confusion.  I understand why the church has wrestled with this for literally a couple of thousand years.

I’ve been praying for God to give me insight and clarity.  I’ve been praying that he would remove my pride and my bias.  My heart is to help the church better understand God’s unique design of people – all people, all races, both genders. I pray that the church could be effectively functioning as the body of Christ rather than bickering over interpretations and prejudice.

My heart is heavy on this.  I don’t have all the answers yet.  I may never have them all in this lifetime.  But I’m committed to studying and seeking God’s heart.

Recently I was sent a copy of a brand new book on the topic: What’s With Paul and Women?

In this book, Jon Zens tackles one of the most confusing passages of scripture regarding women, 1 Timothy 2.  If you are just beginning your journey of study on this topic, this is a great place to start.  It’s a quick, insightful read and I particularly appreciate the cultural context that Jon explains.

If you’re a ministry leader, will you join me in this study? Will you take some time to study and seek God’s clarity on the gender dynamics in scripture?

I believe this issue is one of the most misunderstood and the most avoided discussions in our modern churches. But the issue is bubbling under the surface and as church leaders I believe we have a responsibility to seek understanding and lead with clarity and discernment.

If you have done some personal study on women leaders, pastors, or teachers, what resources have you found beneficial?

If you live in the Nashville area, don’t forget that our next Cultivate Her event is THIS Friday!

My dear friend Kat Davis will be speaking this month on “From Dreaming to Doing”.

Last month we encouraged you to pursue your dreams and to begin to create your dream anatomy (go here to catch up if you missed it).  This month Kat will be challenging us to take that a step further.  She’ll share thoughts on:

• keeping your vision/goal front & center
• implementation
• saying “yes” to the right stuff
• learning to say “no”
• accountability
• celebrating

So mark your calendars and be sure to invite a friend!

When: Friday, March 26 from 7:00 to 8:30 AM

Where: Cross Point Church (4301 Charlotte Avenue)

Who: Free free to pass this invite along to a friend and/or bring someone with you.

Hop on over to the Cultivate Her blog to RSVP.

Hope to see you there!

My friends at LeadingandLovingIt just launched their new site and I wanted to stop and give them a big shout out for what they are up to.

Developing women is such a passion of mine and I get really excited when I encounter other women who are passionate about this as well.  Lori, Brandi and the rest of the team are drumming up some very cool things to invest in and encourage pastors’ wives and women in ministry.

They are even letting me partner with them to host some of their leadership virtual gatherings!!

If you are a woman in ministry, hop on over and check out what they are doing… and be sure to sign up for one of their upcoming virtual gatherings!!

What do you think is the most important resource that women in ministry need right now?

Leadership is lonely.

We know that.  We’ve been told that a zillion different ways from a million different leaders.

But, have you ever had one of those days that is beyond just lonely?  One of those days where it feels so dark, like the world is closing in and you want to just walk away?

I call those the dark days of leadership.  The days when the shades of grey are so thick you can’t see hope for the future at all.  The days where you question everything.  The days when your confidence and commitment seem nearly gone.

Lonely days are one thing, but dark days are lethal.

Darkness is suffocating and debilitating and if you allow yourself to live there too long it will destroy your leadership.

I’ve had my share of dark days.  And what I’ve found is that there is a direct correlation between my dark days and my communion with God.  More specifically my lack of communion with God.

My dark days come when…

• I’ve been working from my own strength
• I’ve eliminated solitude and sabbath
• I’ve failed to head the warnings of loved ones and friends
• I’ve neglected quality, consistent time with God

My dark days are a result of my vain efforts to be Wonder Woman.

Are you going to continue this craziness?  For only crazy people would think they could complete by their own efforts what was begun by God. Galatians 3:3 The Message

The dark days are the hardest days to stop and get perspective.  I find myself toiling more over the things I’m stressing about and yet frantically getting nowhere.   I love that the Galatians passage calls this “crazy”.  Yep, that’s what it feels like – CRAZY!

Stay with God!  Take heart.  Don’t quit. Psalm 27:14 The Message

How about you?

Do you wrestle with dark days?  How do you stop the craziness?

This past Saturday night we decide to head to the mall to hang out for the night.  We had no particular agenda… just to walk around and spend some time hanging out.  As we wandered we came upon a bookstore and it occurred to me that there was a new book I wanted to get.  I quickly asked my husband “Hey, do you mind if I pop in here for a minute?  There’s a book I want.”

This comes as no real shock to Merlyn.  (Well, and probably not to you either.  It’s no secret I read a lot.) Other than maybe rolling his eyes because he knows this will be longer than “a minute”, he kindly indulges my inability to pass a bookstore without going in.

Immediately I dash off.  This time I’m a little anxious and in a hurry.  I quickly start scouring the store looking for the Christian book section.  I figure this one has to be easy to spot.  Surely it’s on an end cap.  It’s only by one of the biggest Christian authors of our generation.

“Yep, there it is.  Oh man, right smack in the middle of the store screaming the title So Long, Insecurity.  Ok, quick just read the back cover and grab a copy.  Maybe people will think I’m getting it for someone else.”

There I was being insecure about buying a book about insecurity.

Yep, I guess this one’s for me.

Even later when my husband asked me what I was reading, I simply said “Beth Moore’s new book.”  Even still, in my own home, with my husband of 11 years I was afraid to admit that I was reading a book about insecurity.

And while I’ve just started it, I’m convinced that this may be one of the most important books Beth has written for our generation.  As I talk with, mentor and encourage other women leaders, I’m becoming more and more convinced that our disease of insecurity is eating us alive and sabotaging the dreams God has for our lives.

If you even think there’s a chance you need to read this book, I want to encourage you to take the leap and get it.

Are you ready to say so long to insecurity too?