For this week of Christmas I’ve invited some friends to share their stories about giving.  I hope you’ll be inspired and challenged as you read different stories of different gifts that had much greater impact than the tangible things we tend to focus on this time of year.

Today my friend Nicole Unice is sharing her story about the “gift of belief”.

1985 will be forever remembered as the year of the Cabbage Patch. All I wanted for Christmas was a Cabbage Patch Doll, complete with birth certificate and diapers. As the story goes, the dolls sold out before my mom could buy one. She commissioned our “crafty” neighbor to make a replacement. Imagine my dismay when I saw a lumpy doll under the tree with painted-on eyes (one of which drifted to the right). For my eight-year-old heart, this was pure Christmas misery.

Looking back, I know none of my favorite gifts have arrived under the tree. And the most unique gift didn’t have wrapping at all.

It was the gift of belief.

Fast-forward a couple of decades. I’m attending a woman’s conference that was very different from anything I had ever experienced. It was a place where brilliant, passionate, energetic women working in ministry all over the world came together to think deeply about ministry, and I felt like I had finally found my female counterparts.

In the midst of all that goodness, in the middle of an amazing keynote speaker, I began to cry. I cried about trying to find my way in the church. I cried about being a mother and being in ministry and feeling torn. I cried so hard that I had to leave the room, and I kept crying as I wandered around the lobby to try and figure out why I was overcome with emotion.

A woman I had just met was strolling by. This was a pioneering woman, a woman who had spent decades in the church. We had met at breakfast and I had melted into her wise counsel and encouragement, bombarding her with questions on leadership and strategy and spiritual growth. So when she saw me blubbering in the lobby, she planted herself in front of me and gripped both my shoulders with her weathered hands.

I wish I could remember exactly what she said, but I guess that wasn’t important. What I heard and felt was support and encouragement and a powerful sense of belief.

It was a strange juxtaposition of belief: both belief in Christ who is an over-comer and liberator and boundary-breaker, and belief in me, as a person. As a young woman. As a mom. As a leader. In the short minutes that passed between us, as she spoke words of belief over me, I received a gift with lasting value. This gift of belief continues to be a light in my heart during moments of confusion.

Susan may not even remember that moment, but for me, it was spiritual. Since my Cabbage Patch debacle, I hope I’ve grown up a bit. And I hope this Christmas I’ll recognize how desperate we all are for belief. When I speak words of truth and encouragement over other young women, I can only hope that they will experience that same bolstering of belief, both in Christ’s overcoming power and in the power of words-from one woman to another.

Who can you give the gift of belief to this Christmas?

Nicole Unice loves being a “professional talker” in her roles as counselor, speaker, and writer. She works part-time in a private counseling practice, specializing in teenage girl and women’s issues, as well as serving on staff at Hope Church in Richmond, VA.

The common thread in Nicole’s many roles is her passion for igniting women’s hearts in their personal relationships with Jesus, particularly through scripture and spiritual formation.  You can catch her blogging about faith and life at The Stubborn Servant.

One of my favorite things to give and to receive is a good book.

I read all kinds… business, marketing, fiction, leadership, biographies, devotionals…

I love to read.  I love to learn.

And I love imposing this love on others

I do have a couple rules, though about how I choose books.  Any book I read must be recommended to me by someone I know, trust and respect.  There are just too many books out there and I have too little time to waste on a bad book.

So here are a couple of my favorite books this year:

So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore

This book will wreck your world.  I don’t care how confident you are, insecurity has influenced your life somewhere along the way.  This was the best Christian personal/spiritual growth book I read this year.

Open: An Autobiography by Andre Agassi

Ok, no big shocker here since I’m such a tennis fan and I had a crush on Andre Agassi in high school.    However this was one of the most moving, honest… appropriately titled “open” autobiographies I have read.  Nothing compares to the power of real stories.

Rework by Jason Fried and David Heinemeier Hansson

I love, love, love this book!  Full of contrarian thoughts on usual business models and practice, Rework was a breathe of fresh air and a kick-in-the-pants at the same time.

My Sister’s Keeper: A Novel by Jodi Picoult

And for a little fiction, I love this one by Jodi Picoult.  Gut-wrenching and heart-breaking… it’s the story of two sisters and the lengths they go to love and protect each other.  I’m a sucker for that.

Ok, I’ll stop there.  There are so many more that could be listed.

What was your favorite book this year?

I’m honored to have Tim Elmore as my guest today.  Tim is a brilliant leader who focuses much of his leadership passion on the upcoming generation.  He has amazing insight in developing leadership in young people.  As part of his “12 Days of Christmas Parenting” series, we’re talking about growing obedience in your kids.  And while I don’t have children of my own, I’m grateful for parents who taught me this characteristic.  It has greatly shaped my leadership.

Growing Obedience in Your Kids at Christmas

When I survey parents at conferences, the characteristic they most want in their kids is: Obedience. Kids disobey for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they claim they didn’t hear mom when she told them to do something. At other times, they’re flooded with so many distractions, they forget to obey mom. Still other times, they are stubborn and just decide they want to do something else. It’s rather refreshing when kids recognize their own shortcomings. Tommy sat on Santa’s lap and recited a litany of toys he wanted for Christmas: a rocket, a bicycle, a video game, a water gun, and a DVD. When Santa replied, “Wow — I will do my best. Let me just check to see if you’ve been a good, obedient boy this year…” The boy responded, “Forget it. Just get me the rocket.”

So how do we cultivate obedience in our children? The answer may depend on how old they are, but let me suggest one idea.

Try this.

If they are young — take some time and play “Simon Says.” Do you remember that game? You stand up front and give instructions to your kids to do the following: Put their hand on their head, clap their hands, rub their stomach, jump up and down, stretch out their arms, etc. The key is: They are only to follow through and do it if you first say: “Simon Says.” You know the drill.

Afterward, talk about how this game is a little like life. When God, a parent or a teacher instructs us to do something, obedience is the name of the game. They are our leaders. Next, talk about a few stories from the Bible, where God asked his people to do something. Then, discuss the fact that there’s always a reason for obedience. Talk about why God told His people to do the following:

PERSON                   GOD’S REQUEST                            WHY WAS IT IMPORTANT?

1. Noah                          1. To build an ark                                   1.

2. Lot’s wife                  2. Don’t look back on Sodom              2.

3. King David               3. Don’t take a census of Israel           3.

God actually had good reason for each of his directions for Noah, Lot’s wife and David. (It was to avoid a flood; to prevent any longing for a past sinful life; and to ensure David trusted God for protection, not his army). Similarly, both God and parents have a “why” behind their directions.

If you have older kids, try an exercise for one week. Every time you must tell them “what” to do, take a few minutes and explain “why” you’re asking them to do it. Often, when kids begin to see the “why” behind the “what,” it fosters obedience. Further, it can build trust the next time you don’t have time to explain the “why” behind your leadership. Trusting in our leaders breeds obedience.

“Children, obey your parents, in the Lord, for this is right.” (Ephesians 6:1)

Join us tomorrow at Daniel Decker‘s blog (http://www.danieldecker.net/) as we discuss ways to develop kindness in your kids (and maybe yourself!) during the holidays.

Tim Elmore

——–

This has been a guest post from Tim Elmore as part of his “12 Days of Christmas Parenting” series. You can follow Tim’s personal blog at http://blog.growingleaders.com and follow him on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/TimElmore. Learn more about developing the next generation in his latest book: Generation iY: Our Last Chance to Save Their Future. (http://www.SaveTheirFutureNow.com)

Generosity.

It’s about so much more than physical gifts.

Generosity is an attitude of the heart.

It’s a gratefulness for what you have and openly, willingly sharing it with others.

So this Christmas be generous with:

• compliments
• gratitude
• believing the best in others
• time
• attention
• smiles
• service
• care
• concern
• giving credit to others
• love

Give Generosity!

The Christmas season is wrought with expectations…

Expectations to decorate your house like Clark Griswald or Martha Stewart

Expectations to pick out the perfect gift for everyone on your list including that person who is simply impossible to buy for.

Expectations to cook, to clean, to bake, to entertain…

Ok, you get my point.

Usually I do ok with all of those expectations.  To be honest, most of them I place upon myself.

But this year I had to give myself a break.

The idea of doing all the things I normally do this time of year had me spiraling into obligation and avoidance.  I simply couldn’t do all the things I normally do… and I should clarify usually LOVE to do.  That was a really strange feeling to me.  Why wouldn’t I want to do all the things I usually love to do?

And so after a few bouts of guilt and some good level-headed comments from my husband, I realized I needed to give myself a break this year.  Less decorating.  Less entertaining.  Less cooking.  Less cleaning.

I cut out the things that I could and I kept the things that brought me joy and were the most meaningful to others around me.

How about you?

Do you need to give yourself a break this year?

What expectations have you heaped up yourself that really aren’t all that consequential?

What can you give up so that you can experience the joy and the beauty of this season?

My friend Greg Darley is guest blogging today.  Greg is the founder of Backstage Leadership and has just finished his first book Passion Is Not Enough.  In the short time I’ve known Greg I’ve been so inspired by his drive and ambition and this book is an overflow of who he is.

Good intentions don’t change the world. Ideas alone will change nothing. Desires don’t feed the hungry. Ambition won’t stop injustice. Enthusiasm alone will not reach the lost. Wishing changes nothing. To change the world, we must have more than passion.

Passion is Not Enough explores what it takes beyond a good idea to change the world. Whether you have a vision to change the entire world or your city block, the principles in this book will help you reach that goal.

One of my favorite quotes I used in Passion Is Not Enough is from Albert Einstein.

“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”

No one would question that Einstein changed the world.  He was brilliant.  He changed the game forever.  But this quote reveals the secret to how he changed the world.  It also takes away every excuse we can muster to the reasons why we can’t do the same.  Notice he doesn’t credit education, family background, genes, or whom he knew.  These are often the excuses we use for why we can’t pursue our dream or the burdens we have to change the world:

We say things like:

- I don’t have the right degree

· I’m too young

· I’m too old

· I don’t know anyone in that field

· I’ve never started a church

· I don’t know how to write a book

· No one in my family is a missionary

· I have no clued how to start a business

All of these are missing the point. These are all external factors.  Einstein gets to the main point, which is internal.  He says:

“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”

That’s it.
No secret formulas.
No insider tips.
No special favors.
No family history.

Einstein’s secret can be used by us all. Work hard. Stick with it. Work hard some more.

If you do this today, you’ll be in the minority. Everyone today is looking for the easy way. The truth is, there is no easy way. If you figure that out in the beginning, you’ll separate yourself from a majority of your peers.  Changing the world starts with you deciding to stick with it no matter what.

For more thoughts on this and what it takes to change the world, check out Passion is Not Enough.

**For this week only, Greg is giving the readers of my blog 20% off of Passion Is Not Enough.  You can order it here.  Be sure to use code “Jenni20″.

As I mentioned yesterday, I think the Spiritual Leadership dimension is the most unique and one of the most critical dimensions that we need to learn to develop as leaders, especially faith-based leaders.

In the book Spiritual Leadership, the Blackabys define spiritual leadership as “moving people on to God’s agenda”.

When spiritual leaders have done their jobs, the people around them have encountered God and obeyed his will.

Blake talked yesterday about the importance of relational leadership and I really believe that is the starting point of spiritual leadership.  We’ve all heard the Bible-thumping, hell, fire and brimstone types.  There’s nothing about that approach that “moves me towards God’s agenda.”

Spiritual leadership begins with influence which begins with relationships.

I remember several years ago when I worked in a corporate environment and had the opportunity to influence many peers and co-workers.  Some of them were believers and we naturally gravitated to one another to discuss spiritual things, ask for prayer and just hang out.   Out of our relationships flowed the opportunity to speak into each others lives about what God was teaching us and where He was stretching us to grow in our faith.  But the moments I remember most vividly were the chances that I had to share with those who were not believers.  As we got to know one another, I learned more about their families, their dreams and their fears.  I took it as a great compliment when one of these individuals would show up at my door and say “hey, can I ask you something?”.  That was usually followed by a concern or frustration that they wanted counsel in navigating.  It could have been work related.  It could have been a family issue.  But regardless, it gave me an opportunity to share truth; to speak God’s word into their lives.

Spiritual leadership is a sensitivity to engaging the conversations that help lead people closer to God.

In the midst of our managing, visioning, and self-leading we also have to be intentional to find ways to lead others spiritually.  It probably won’t come at a convenient time.  It probably won’t be work-related.  But it will be worth it.

It is the distinctive that sets you apart as a faith-based leader.

What are some ways that you are a spiritual leader for your team?

This week we’re finishing up our series on the 4 Dimensions of Leadership.  The last dimension we’re talking about is Spiritual Leadership and I’m dividing this one into two parts.  This is the dimension that is unique to faith-based leaders.  I believe it’s the dimension that sets us apart… and it’s not just for those of us in full-time ministry work.  Faith-based leaders can have spiritual influence even in the marketplace (more about that tomorrow.)

For today, Blake Bergstrom is sharing his heart about how spiritual leadership starts with relational leadership.  And Blake models this better than most anyone I know.  Blake has become a spiritual leader in my life, not by position, but by relationship.  He checks in on me, Jenni Catron, the person.  He prays for me constantly and tells me so.  He spends time with my husband and speaks into our marriage.  He inquires about my health and sanity and gives me wise counsel when I need it.  Spiritual leaders are a gift.

Blake blogs HERE.

And you can follow him on twitter HERE.

At a previous church that I worked at I was asked…”Blake, do you know the difference between “Relational Authority” vs. “Positional Authority”? It was a great question.  My answer was, “I think so…people that lead relationally earn trust and respect while positional leaders are jerks!” I know that is not always true…but I had been jaded by an authoritarian father.  He was a marine drill sergeant, so I said “Yes sir!”  ..no questions asked..my way or the highway. I love him but he made it very hard to like him.

Consequently, I have always led relationally, maybe because I’m an ENFP?  Either way, I hate being spoken down to but that doesn’t mean that I hate being led.  I like to think that I am a follower that is pliable and teachable.  My experience has been that it is hard to find that quality in the positional leader.  They lead with answers instead of questions.  They hide behind titles and pride instead of humility.

Jesus didn’t have to demand or yell to let them know he was over them.  Meekness is not weakness.  To be meek you have power that is under control.  Jesus demonstrated that over and over as a servant leader.  Are you strong enough to be meek?

Working in a church environment, we have the privilege to be developed and to develop everyone around us.  Character is on trial. Relationships are everything. It matters how you respond. Conflict is inevitable and how you handle it is what matters the most!  Its rarely about the conflict and more about the relationship. You can’t work on someone’s character when they can’t stand you or don’t respect you.  So, I’ve always wanted to be gentle and kind when developing those around me.  You have to love deep and let your team know that you trust and respect them and then… you’ll start a movement! Your team will die for you and charge any battle field with you.  Please don’t use people to get your agenda accomplished. Instead, accomplish the agenda that Christ is doing in you and dare everyone around you to join in!

So let me ask you…are you a positional leader or a relational leader?

Today’s Dimension is another doozie. Visionary Leadership. I think this is the toughest dimension to learn if it’s not your natural leadership dimension (maybe I just think that because it’s the most difficult one for me).  But when someone is a strong visionary leader, it’s undeniable.  People naturally want to follow them.  That’s the kind of leader Justin Davis, our Bellevue Campus Pastor, is and so I’m excited that he is guest posting on the Visionary Leadership dimension!

Justin and his wife Trish blog at Refine Us.

You can follow Justin on twitter HERE.

I remember the first time I heard someone talk about vision. I was in college and our youth ministry class took a 3 hour drive to Willow Creek Community Church. I heard Bill Hybels say “The responsibility to cast vision falls on no one else but the leader. If your organization or your church or your student ministry lacks vision and you are the leader, it is your fault.” A few years later, I heard Andy Stanley give a talk on vision. He defined vision as “a picture of what could and should be.” From those two leaders, my love with vision began. I began to realize that I was a visionary leader.

I love thinking about vision. I love reading about vision. But most importantly, I love casting vision. I love painting a picture for people of what could and should be. I take the responsibility seriously.  I know that most problems in the church come back to vision. When people don’t have a clear picture, given by the leader of the preferred future, they do one of two things: they make up their own vision and question yours or their investment in my vision declines. Most of the time both happen.

If you are a leader, you need to cast vision. I sit in a second chair seat in our church. I am not THE leader, but I am A leader. I have to cast vision. I have to paint a picture of what could and should be in our church. Here are 3 things that I do every time I think about casting vision:

1.     Tell Stories

People don’t care about numbers. People don’t care about tasks. People don’t care about you getting your to-do list completed. People care about life-change. People are about meeting a need. People care about stories. When I am talking to an individual, a small group or our congregation, I tell a story. I want to inspire them by sharing how their participation; their gift; their time; their investment; their ability; their money; their service changes lives. This isn’t reserved for just special occasions. I usually do this every Sunday with our band and greeters. I want them to be inspired as they serve, so I tell stories.

2.     Call Out the Best In People

Your opinion as a leader matters.  Your words carry a ton of weight with those you lead. I always try to leverage my words to call out the very best in volunteers. I encourage; I compliment; I catch people doing things right. I tell them that I believe that lives are going to be changed today because they decided to give an hour of their life. I affirm their gifts. I remind them that together we can accomplish more than any of us could ever accomplish on our own.

3.     Remind them of God’s Faithfulness

If we are pursuing a God-sized vision, then there will be moments of uncertainty. There will be seasons of sacrifice. There will be times that unless God shows up, what we are attempting will fail. It is in those times that I remind them of God’s faithfulness. I remind them of the last time I saw God show up. I remind them of the last time a group of people sacrificed and how God blessed. I do my best to bring to their mind that ultimately God is in control and this is His vision and He will come through.

Those are three things that I try to do when casting vision as a leader.

What would you add to this list?

Today we continue the 4 Dimensions Series with a post on the dimension of self-leadership from Cross Point’s Spiritual Formation Pastor, Chris Surratt.  This dimension is HUGE to your leadership balance and I have been amazed by Chris’ ability to lead himself so well and to teach his team to do the same.  Chris has displayed for me how a confident leader can organize their life to accomplish much without sacrificing their health, sanity and communion with God.

Chris blogs at Continue the Conversation

You can follow Chris on twitter HERE.

Self-leadership is pretty foundational really. If you can’t lead yourself, how can you expect to lead others? Many leaders spend a lot of time learning how to better lead the people that they manage, but forget that it all begins with themselves.

I just finished reading a great business book called Rework. It was co-written by Jason Fried, who is the founder of the online company, 37Signals. A large part of the book can be summed up with: “If you want your business to succeed, don’t hire people that cannot lead themselves.”

Businesses no longer have the time or financial margin to hold their employees hands and constantly tell them what to do and how to do it. The market is moving too fast and the stakes are too large for constant micro managing.

I would offer that it is the same in the church world. As we have watched hundreds of churches forced to lay off staff during this recession, it is clear that the church of the future will have to operate differently than it has in the past. To be able to do more ministry with less staff, those staff members will have to be self-motivated. Jesus left us with the greatest mission ever, are we motivated enough to accomplish it?

I believe that there are a few things that you can do to help lead yourself and help the people that you manage better lead themselves.

• Goals are your friends

We all hate making them because it takes self-discipline and time. It’s much easier to react than create. However, if you set the right kind of goals (achievable, inspiring, measurable, ect.), you get a lot more accomplished in a shorter amount of time.

• Distraction is your enemy

We are bombarded with it all of the time. Emails, social media, interruptions… and I love all of them. But I know that to create well, I have to carve out time to do it. I’m not good at 2 hr. stretches (too many shiny things to look at), but 30-45 minutes distraction free is a must.

• Meetings can be good if…

I know very few self-motivated people that love meetings. They would rather get-r-done than sit around and talk about it. But I find that meetings can be beneficial if they are:

o   Focused – have an agenda and follow it.

o   Fun – it is possible.

o   Short – as possible. Set a time limit and stick to it.

o   Changing – constantly change the place, time, people, everything.

• Remember why you do what you do

The times that I get de-motivated are when I lose sight of why I do what I do.

When things become routine.

When I feel like I could do it in my sleep.

It helps me to reconnect when I hear the stories of life-change. I had the chance this past Sunday to baptize 5 people who decided that morning to step out in faith. That gets me excited to come in to the office on Monday morning! Figure out what does that for you. What are the stories that your team needs to hear to take them to the next level?

How are you at leading yourself? What are some steps that you have taken to be better at it?